For the first time

For the first time, someone actually asked me,"When are you due?" It honestly caught me off guard because I always have to tell people I'm pregnant and for the first time someone just noticed and asked me! I was kinda like whaaaaat? I probably looked confused and I kind of paused for a really long time...umm..uhhh..oh yeah! February 15th! HA. It was quite embarrassing. It was at church and the lady probably thinks I'm losing it or something. Anyway, here is the bump..in all it's glory. This picture was taken at 24.5 weeks.

I really feel the need to document this dream I had the other night and I don't know why. I can't stop thinking about it, it was so weird and random. Apparently J and I went away for the weekend and left baby H with my mom. We came home from the little vacation and I asked my mom,"Where is the baby?" She responded with,"Oh I don't know, I've been putting him in the freezer cause he won't shut up." OMG OMG. I panicked and opened up the freezer but he wasn't in there. I went into his bedroom and there he was laying in his crib with just a diaper on and he was crying. I remember picking him up and holding him. The weird part (besides my mother putting him in the freezer??) was all the sudden I felt this immense amount of love for the little guy. I woke up feeling like I had just comforted him and held him in my arms and it was amazing! Funny how dreams can feel so real. I actually saw his little face but he didn't look like J and I..so we will see!

Halloween is coming up and J and I don't have costumes...(losers) I just don't feel like dressing up all cute and what not when I feel like a whale. Yeah, I said it. I feel like a whale. I know that's terrible thinking but some days I don't want to get dressed and I don't want to get all done up when I'm starting to feel massive. Wow, that felt good to get off my chest. I'm just being honest, and this is honestly how I feel. I wouldn't trade being pregnant for anything but no one told me about this part...the part where you kind of just feel large. The end result is what keeps me sane. I'm so excited to hold him and cuddle him everyday. It's practically all I think about these days. I think about how we are broke and about how excited I am to bring a little boy into this world. The holidays will make the time fly by and before I know it, he will be here. Some days I just wish I could tell him how much I love him and how much I think about him and about the silly dream I had or about how I freak out if I don't feel him for like 1.5 hours. (no joke) I know we will be the best of friends, my little buddy and me.

This is pretty much my journal

I use to be good at writing in my journal but one day I stopped and like any other habit, it was hard to start again. I start to feel guilty when I think about how poorly i've documented certain events in the last 3 years but it's okay because I just need to try harder! I'm at 23 weeks in my pregnancy now and things are moving along. I feel better than I did the first 17 weeks, I can tell ya that. It's weird because in the moment you feel like you are so sick you might die but looking back on it, I'm like was I really that sick? It feels like a dream and I guess it will be a re-occuring dream because of all the kiddos I want :) 

Today I was laying on the couch (shocker) and I had my hand on my stomach, which is where it is most of the time. I love feeling kicks so my hand seems to be on my belly all the time. Anyway today I was laying there with the hand on the belly and no joke, I felt a body part. Something tangible, like a foot or a hand or something came to the surface and punched/kicked my hand. I kinda freaked out a little cause little kicks are cute and all but I felt a body part!! It was different. It's hard to explain but it was like he was just saying hi. It's so weird and great and awesome at the same time. Gosh I love that little guy. 

The other day J and I were in the temple and I started crying uncontrollably and Justin must have thought I was losing it. I was sitting there thinking about the little man and how much I love him when I get intensely emotional. I can't imagine how much I am going to love him when he is in my arms and I can actually hold him. This whole parent thing is making me nervous and excited. Welp, it's Friday night and I have a date with a handsome guy who got a haircut today :)

So far...

Life has taken a crazy turn of events but I kind of like it. About 10 days ago, I had a Dr. appointment and I continued to tell my Dr. how much my back has been hurting. Of course I burst into tears and couldn't help but put it all out there. I was miserable. I commute to work and then I sit for 8 hours a day and then I commute home...yeah that's about 10 hours of sitting a day! The sitting was causing my back to ache so bad, it usually brought me to tears daily. My sweet Dr. said "I'll just put you on disability and you won't have to work anymore." Excuse me?! There is such a glorious thing for pregnant people like me?? I would take a pay cut but I wouldn't be miserable and so I took it. Basically I get to stay home and sew and read books and watch TV. Onto other things, I am almost 22 weeks now and the bump is coming along! My due date is almost exactly 4 months from now. In 4 months I will be a mom and in 4 months I will get to hold the sweet boy who has been kicking me 24/7 for the past few days. I tell my husband all the time, yeah I don't think he sleeps or naps because I swear I feel him all day!

Pregnancy is such an amazing thing. J actually said to me the other day, you are lucky that you get to feel him all day and feel so close to him. It's true! I already feel a connection with the little guy and I can't wait to meet him. Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about what he will look like or what kind of baby he will be and of course I worry about having a healthy baby. In a way, thats the beauty of it all...we aren't in control of those things right now. Heavenly Father is watching over our little guy and no matter what happens, we love him. Ok, enough pregnancy ramblings for today :)