You guys...

Today I had an ultrasound and a Dr. appt.

At my 20 week ultrasound they saw that my placenta was kinda hanging low. They called it "marginal previa." Um scary. So they said oh we will check it in the 3rd trimester and make sure it moved up like it is supposed to and today I had the ultrasound because I am 30 weeks now.

IT MOVED UP! YAY! 

I was convinced that I had placenta previa and that I would have to have a c-section. But I am happy to say that the placenta looks good and our little guy is getting pretty big. He is already 3lbs 7oz. Why does that seem so massive to me?? I understand that he will be much bigger when he comes out but every baby app that I have says oh the baby is almost 3lbs this week. Try 3lbs 7oz! His head is facing down and apparently he has long legs. When she measured his legs they were measuring at 33 weeks?! Maybe he will be really long. We will have to see. Overall, she said he is measuring about a week early but that could just mean he will be big. AH! 

Look at those lips. Baby, oh baby! I love you so much already. You were sleeping during the ultrasound and apparently you sleep like your Daddy, with your mouth wide open. I am getting anxious for February, when I can hold you in my arms and kiss those big beautiful lips. 

So much to be thankful for

Thanksgiving was spent in California with my family and we ate OUTSIDE! It was amazing. This Thanksgiving I have so much to be thankful for. Mainly a wonderful husband and a baby on the way! The list could go on for days. The night of Thanksgiving we went out shopping for black friday. I was at the mall at Midnight with all the other teenagers/crazies. I got all baby stuff. It was so much fun! We went shopping on actual black friday too. I am officially on a shopping fast for a few weeks. It was a good one and now I'm in the third trimester! AH! I'll update with pics soon but I'm feeling great and getting anxious for February. 

A letter

Dear Baby, 

We are expecting your arrival in appx. 13 weeks but I wouldn't mind if you came a little early. Not too early, but maybe like a week :) You are so incredibly active inside my tummy, and your Daddy actually asked me the other day...is this normal?? You are constantly moving and shaking. We are pretty positive we have a name for you but I'm pretty fickle these days and you never know if I might change my mind. Your Daddy is a full-time student and the other day he said something about how school and getting a job and providing for us is what constantly is on his mind. I proudly stated that baby was on my mind 24/7 because you are! Sometimes I drift off to sleep thinking about you and even dreaming about you. My favorite dream so far has been when I dreamt that me, you and your daddy were lying in bed snuggling. Daddy and I were playing with your little toes and little fingers. I dream about the day you will come into our lives and sometimes I wake up feeling anxious. I want to meet you right now! But I understand that you need to fatten up before we can meet you. 

The other night your Daddy was talking to you really close to my belly. You were being kinda shy but as soon as he started talking you were kicking and moving around like a mad man! In a way, I think I'll miss having you inside of me. We pray every night that you are growing and developing just the way you should. We love you so much, already and can't wait to meet you. 

xoxo

Lake Arrowhead + a baby blessing

We had another family fun day and this time we went up to Lake Arrowhead for the day. It was my nephew Braden's first family fun day and all day I kept thinking, what did we do before he was born?? Seriously though, why are babies so entertaining? All day we were oohhing and aaahing at the littlest things he would do. On our walk in Lake Arrowhead we had to make a little pit stop to change a diaper. I could not stop laughing at his little bum up in the air like that. On Sunday we had Braden's baby blessing and had lunch in the park. It was a fun weekend and I can't wait for Thanksgiving when we can all be together again! 

Nights like last night

Yesterday was one of those days. I woke up feeling blah. I was having all sorts of crazy negative thoughts about myself and others. Since being pregnant, these days come often. You see, I am one of those people who is very affected by hormones. I had to stop taking birth control because it was making  me act like a psycho person. I am already very emotional and when my hormones aren't in check, it can get kinda crazy over here. Anyway, yesterday was just one of those days. J was at school and work and I was moping around like a bum. As luck would have it, my husband is very intuitive. I swear the minute we wake up in the morning, he just knows. He knows to be extra sensitive towards me and he knows to just shrug off the ludicrous comments I make. I held it in all day until J got home from work. I'm sure when he got home from work he wasn't exactly looking forward to a blubbering wife who was blubbering about nothing, literally, but you would never tell that this was the case. He just let me cry and talk and talk and talk through my crying. He laid there and held me even though I knew he was exhausted and ready for bed. He rubbed my back and held my hand until I fell asleep. It was nights like last night when I go to bed thinking that I have the perfect man for me. My mom warned him before we got married (this literally happened) that I am a bit hard to handle but he picked me anyway and I'm really glad he did. I don't know what I would do without this man. I guess you could say I'm starting off the month of November feeling very grateful. 

And oh what a Daddy he will be :)

For the first time

For the first time, someone actually asked me,"When are you due?" It honestly caught me off guard because I always have to tell people I'm pregnant and for the first time someone just noticed and asked me! I was kinda like whaaaaat? I probably looked confused and I kind of paused for a really long time...umm..uhhh..oh yeah! February 15th! HA. It was quite embarrassing. It was at church and the lady probably thinks I'm losing it or something. Anyway, here is the bump..in all it's glory. This picture was taken at 24.5 weeks.

I really feel the need to document this dream I had the other night and I don't know why. I can't stop thinking about it, it was so weird and random. Apparently J and I went away for the weekend and left baby H with my mom. We came home from the little vacation and I asked my mom,"Where is the baby?" She responded with,"Oh I don't know, I've been putting him in the freezer cause he won't shut up." OMG OMG. I panicked and opened up the freezer but he wasn't in there. I went into his bedroom and there he was laying in his crib with just a diaper on and he was crying. I remember picking him up and holding him. The weird part (besides my mother putting him in the freezer??) was all the sudden I felt this immense amount of love for the little guy. I woke up feeling like I had just comforted him and held him in my arms and it was amazing! Funny how dreams can feel so real. I actually saw his little face but he didn't look like J and I..so we will see!

Halloween is coming up and J and I don't have costumes...(losers) I just don't feel like dressing up all cute and what not when I feel like a whale. Yeah, I said it. I feel like a whale. I know that's terrible thinking but some days I don't want to get dressed and I don't want to get all done up when I'm starting to feel massive. Wow, that felt good to get off my chest. I'm just being honest, and this is honestly how I feel. I wouldn't trade being pregnant for anything but no one told me about this part...the part where you kind of just feel large. The end result is what keeps me sane. I'm so excited to hold him and cuddle him everyday. It's practically all I think about these days. I think about how we are broke and about how excited I am to bring a little boy into this world. The holidays will make the time fly by and before I know it, he will be here. Some days I just wish I could tell him how much I love him and how much I think about him and about the silly dream I had or about how I freak out if I don't feel him for like 1.5 hours. (no joke) I know we will be the best of friends, my little buddy and me.

This is pretty much my journal

I use to be good at writing in my journal but one day I stopped and like any other habit, it was hard to start again. I start to feel guilty when I think about how poorly i've documented certain events in the last 3 years but it's okay because I just need to try harder! I'm at 23 weeks in my pregnancy now and things are moving along. I feel better than I did the first 17 weeks, I can tell ya that. It's weird because in the moment you feel like you are so sick you might die but looking back on it, I'm like was I really that sick? It feels like a dream and I guess it will be a re-occuring dream because of all the kiddos I want :) 

Today I was laying on the couch (shocker) and I had my hand on my stomach, which is where it is most of the time. I love feeling kicks so my hand seems to be on my belly all the time. Anyway today I was laying there with the hand on the belly and no joke, I felt a body part. Something tangible, like a foot or a hand or something came to the surface and punched/kicked my hand. I kinda freaked out a little cause little kicks are cute and all but I felt a body part!! It was different. It's hard to explain but it was like he was just saying hi. It's so weird and great and awesome at the same time. Gosh I love that little guy. 

The other day J and I were in the temple and I started crying uncontrollably and Justin must have thought I was losing it. I was sitting there thinking about the little man and how much I love him when I get intensely emotional. I can't imagine how much I am going to love him when he is in my arms and I can actually hold him. This whole parent thing is making me nervous and excited. Welp, it's Friday night and I have a date with a handsome guy who got a haircut today :)

So far...

Life has taken a crazy turn of events but I kind of like it. About 10 days ago, I had a Dr. appointment and I continued to tell my Dr. how much my back has been hurting. Of course I burst into tears and couldn't help but put it all out there. I was miserable. I commute to work and then I sit for 8 hours a day and then I commute home...yeah that's about 10 hours of sitting a day! The sitting was causing my back to ache so bad, it usually brought me to tears daily. My sweet Dr. said "I'll just put you on disability and you won't have to work anymore." Excuse me?! There is such a glorious thing for pregnant people like me?? I would take a pay cut but I wouldn't be miserable and so I took it. Basically I get to stay home and sew and read books and watch TV. Onto other things, I am almost 22 weeks now and the bump is coming along! My due date is almost exactly 4 months from now. In 4 months I will be a mom and in 4 months I will get to hold the sweet boy who has been kicking me 24/7 for the past few days. I tell my husband all the time, yeah I don't think he sleeps or naps because I swear I feel him all day!

Pregnancy is such an amazing thing. J actually said to me the other day, you are lucky that you get to feel him all day and feel so close to him. It's true! I already feel a connection with the little guy and I can't wait to meet him. Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about what he will look like or what kind of baby he will be and of course I worry about having a healthy baby. In a way, thats the beauty of it all...we aren't in control of those things right now. Heavenly Father is watching over our little guy and no matter what happens, we love him. Ok, enough pregnancy ramblings for today :)

Bumpin!

 Well I think these are in order and yes, they are crappy i phone pictures. I will get J to take pictures on my real camera....real soon. The first picture I took was at 14 week and it goes all the way down to 18 weeks. I am a little over 19 weeks now and I will post some good ones soon! The bump is slowly coming along but I still feel like I'm in the "Did she gain a little weight or is she pregnant" phase. I am enjoying the chubby phase because before I know it I am going to be huge...you wonder how I know this. Well, my mom got really big with all her pregnancies...so no cute little bump at the end for me. I am going to be poppin! haha can't wait. Love this little guy so much already.  Justin actually said to me the other day "I think you are the most excited pregnant lady EVER." I think he might be right. I am super obsessed with everything that has to do with baby and I can't wait to have a little family!

Oh yeah...I'm pregnant

The beginning-Week 15
 A lot has happened since we announced that we are having a baby in February. I am a terrible journal writer and I need to document this pregnancy! Lets start from the beginning. So we found out I was pregnant back in May and after we found out a few days went by and I remember telling Justin, "I feel good!" Well, I spoke to quick because almost exactly one week after I took the test, I woke up feeling awful. I have felt nauseous before but nothing like this. I went to work and within an hour I was back home in bed wondering, how am I going to do this? I made it through few weeks and then I had my first Dr.'s appointment. At my appointment I told my doctor how I had been feeling and she gave me a prescription for nausea. I took the medicine twice a day for about 8 weeks. I helped but the nausea never completely went away. Throughout this time I kept telling myself that it was worth it and I would rather be sick and pregnant than not pregnant. This is something I have been wanting and praying for, for a long time. We got pregnant very quickly but we were waiting until the time was right for us. When we got married 2-1/2 years ago I wanted to start having kids but I knew it wasn't the right time yet. I waited patiently to finish school and pray about our timing. I was so happy and overjoyed to be pregnant but my feeling of sickness often made me feel negative and grumpy :( Once that time passed I was able to really enjoy the miracle that was happening inside my body.

 Weeks 15-18
 So anyway, the nausea passed around week 15 which is when we found out the gender of our little one. Yep, I am one of those girls who can't just wait til her regular OB appointment. I went somewhere to find out early and it was the best decision. ever. We are having a BOY. Now let me back up a little bit and say I was convinced we were having a girl. Not because of motherly intuition or anything but because people kept telling me they thought it was a girl and so a girl is all I kept imagining. I literally convinced myself that we were having a girl. All along, Justin disagreed with me and was persistent in saying we were having a boy. As soon as the little guy came up on the ultrasound I let out a little gasp. I could see his little man parts perfectly. He was laying there with his legs wide open! Justin literally said the words, "Is that a little wee wee I see?" The ultrasound technician laughed and said yes, this little guy is not shy at all. WHAT!!!!! I was shocked. Justin had a silly grin plastered on his face for the next 24 hours. He was so happy! It was such a fun day. After that I started feeling better, not amazing but better. I could wake up in the morning and open the fridge?? Yeah, I couldn't open the fridge in the morning for like 4 months. I would smell something and run out of the kitchen to you know what in the toilet...ew. Anyway, I have had such a fun time buying little clothes and sewing bibs and burp rags for our little guy. I'm starting to get my energy back but for the most part, I'm tired a lot. Right about week 17 I started feeling back pain. I told my Dr. and he suggested a few things but none of them seem to be helping. At my job, I sit in a chair ALL DAY. My uterus puts so much pressure on my tailbone that I end up getting up to walk around like every 20 minutes. All the tiredness and pain aside something awesome also happened at week 17!!! I felt some movement. It was very subtle and it would only happen if I would lay really still on my back or on my side. The first time it happened I doubted whether or not that was it but the next night I felt the same thing and I knew it was him! After about a week of tiny flutters, I was sitting in my chair at work when I felt a big kick right at my belly button. I was so surprised and I was on the phone so I couldn't exactly jump for joy but man was I excited. Ever since that day the little kicks have gotten more frequent and they have gotten stronger. As I lay here writing this, I can feel lots and lots of little movement going on in there. The movement makes it feel so real. This bring me up to this week, which is week 19. I have an ultrasound on Friday and I can't wait to see the little guy again.

 Sometimes during this pregnancy I have felt like my body is not my own and it's true. I have no control over making this little boy. Heavenly Father made my body so it knows exactly what to do. Our bodies are amazing and I am trying my best to enjoy this experience. I feel so grateful that Heavenly Father trusts Justin and me enough to take care of one of his children. Sometimes I feel inadequate and then I remember that I am not alone. I have a loving Heavenly Father and a wonderful husband who will be there with me every step of the way. I will write more later and post some pictures :)

family fun night

And the tradition continues...We started family fun night about 2 years ago and whenever we get the chance we plan a day or night to spend as a family. This one was kind of spur of the moment and yet another bonfire at the beach. I love being with family, talking, laughing and reminding each other of old memories. The Grochmal family is about to change for the good with my SIL and brother's baby due in 2 weeks and with our baby due in February. Our family just keeps growing and I love it! We just got back from a week long vacation at the lake and we are all wasted. Instead of wakeboarding and tubing, baby and I floated around in the water and relaxed and Oh was it relaxing! Back to work on Monday.. boo.

Big News!

Justin and I are having a baby!

Yep, thats right. I'm pregnant!  A little Loar will be joining our family February 2013.  We feel so blessed and could't be more excited!
 I hope the baby looks like Justin. He is really cute.

Phillips Family Reunion

This weekend we drove up to Utah for the annual Phillips Family Reunion. The Phillips family is my Mother-in-law's family. Her family has 7 kids so when everyone gets together it is quite a party! It was my first official reunion with the family because we have always had school during the reunion. The place was beautiful and it was all around a good weekend. The reunion was a blast but the road trip is another story. On the way there we were coming up the Baker grade and our car started smoking from underneath the car. We pulled over and debated calling AAA but my mom talked us into turning around and driving our car the 7 miles back to Baker. (thanks Mom) We made it back to Baker and took it to a mechanic. Of course, we were ripped off but it was a minor problem and we were out of there within the hour. We were driving along and all the sudden we come up the entrance at Zion's Park. We were so confused because we weren't planning on going through Zions but we didn't really have a choice so we go through the park and people are driving like 15 MPH haha. It was hard to enjoy the park because we had been driving for so long already and just wanted to get there!! Anyway, we made it to the reunion exhausted. We stayed up late talking and playing games. We had little competitions,ate good food and caught up with family. I got to see my little nephew Aiden, who I haven't seen since Thanksgiving. He is so big and has such a cute personality. It is so fun to be around so much family and catch up on everyone lives. One thing I noticed about this family is how much love they have for each other. They are all very different but all differences aside they take care of each other and love each other. On our way home we were making great time and then we hit Vegas. WOW. We hit a wall of traffic in the middle of nowhere. I can't even talk about it because I'm still angry about it. What should have been a 7-1/2 hour drive turned into a 10 hour drive. We were both tired and irritated but we talked the whole way and tried to make the best of it. It was quite the adventure and spending time with J was by far the best part.